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The Storm

Tw: sex, abuse, rape

Have you googled an ex before? Even if they were extremely toxic and abusive? I made that mistake a month or so ago. But before I go into what I found, let's back track to high school when he and I were in a "relationship". Also just a disclaimer, my blogs might not always been in chronological order, I'm just going to go with the flow and what I want to write about that day 

For anonymity, not that he deserves it, I will refer to him as "Storm." Storm and I dated for 2 years in highschool. He was 15 and I was 16 when we started dating... Only a year after the sexual abuse from my sister ended. Like most abusive relationships, it started out good, but it didn't stay that way for long. The first red flags that I remember with him were his controlling behaviors. I wasn't allowed to ride the bus to and from school. I had to ride to school with him and his mom. I was expected to be with him every waking moment. And when I wasn't with him, I had to text and/or call him. When I was 17 I had one of many surgeries on my ankle. I was home schooled for a few months while I recovered. Every moment he wasn't in school, he was at our apartment. When I returned to school I was still on crutches and in a walking boot. I hadn't seen most of my friends on months. Many of them would rush up to me to hug me. He would step between me and them and refused to let them hug me. Like many of my memories, this time of my life is very fragmented, so I am unsure of the exact timeline of things. At some point in our relationship he started pressuring me for sex. I was not interested, but he wasn't about to take no for an answer. He wanted sex, and if I wasn't going to give it, he was going to take it. And so he did. I didn't tell anyone what was going on, I let him rape me. Any time he wanted sex, which was basically anytime we were together, he would trace the letter o on my skin with his finger. Still to this day whenever anyone brushes my skin gently I have flashbacks and get taken back to him 15+ years ago. 

Storm lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with his single mother, who was also a piece of work. They had a weird relationship. He had his own bedroom but he slept on the floor of his mom's bedroom. I remember once we were on the floor in his mother's room while she was at work. She came home early, and walked in on him raping me on her bedroom floor. Except, she didn't see it as rape. And to be honest, it wasn't until I was well into my 20s that I realized what he was doing was rape. She forced me to tell my mom that we were sexually active. So I did... It would have been a perfect opportunity for me to tell my mom that I was being made to do something I didn't want to... But I didn't.... I told her we were curious...I have a lot of guilt over this... Which brings us back to the thesis of this blog entry. If you recall I said that a month or so ago I googled Storm. And what I found crushed me. Storm was recently arrested for having inappropriate sexual material involving minors on his computer and phone. He plead guilty and is waiting on sentencing. What if I had told someone he was raping me? Would these girls have been spared from his perversion? 

I have more stories to tell about Storm, but for now I need a break.
Thanks for the reading 
-M






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